Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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