I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
