Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
