Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude. I can hear the air.
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