he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
