Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
