By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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