I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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