Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Alive.
So much puke
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
