Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
