you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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