For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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