she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
