11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
