and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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