She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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