i was born a porn star she said
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
