Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
