Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
