Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
