Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
