i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
