so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
