just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
