Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
