She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
