Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
