I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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