I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
