I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
