A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
