how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
