so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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