Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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