i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
