Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
