I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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