I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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