You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
