its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
