even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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