I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
