Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
