Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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