jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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