I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did i walk over a car last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
