I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
