I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
