how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
