it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
