Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
