so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
