I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Someone signed my nipple.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
