cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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