Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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